10 Reasons Your Marriage is Failing

Your marriage is failing. Right now, as you sit here reading this article, your marriage with your wife(s) and/or husband(s) is falling into ruins. However, fear not for I, Gamers Mentality, have the answer to all the toughest problems and I will show you the error of your ways through the use of ONLINE MEDIA. Let’s begin.

1. You Probably Haven’t Watched DBZ In It’s Entirety With Your Partner
For shame! How dare you tell yourself it was okay to stop halfway through the Freiza Saga! Clearly, your lack of dedication to the series is showing that you lack in the sack too. (Science proved it, don’t blame me) BUT FEAR NOT FOR THERE IS HOPE. Go to the store (online or otherwise) and buy all the seasons of DBZ (NOT GT) and get to watching them right now. Watch yourself go Super Saiyan next time you two are alone ;)

2. You Keep Killing Them In D&D 
Look, it was funny the first time. Your level 15 Elf Archer rolled a 20 and crit his/her ass. You laughed, he/she laughed, the DM laughed and it was a good time. However, it’s five characters later and you’re still finding every chance to shoot an arrow through their skull. Just…stop it! Why are you even playing if you just want to kill them? I mean, how is the DM even allowing this? Seriously, just….quit it.

3. They Can’t Have A Pet T-Rex
This isn’t really your fault but, hey, it still sucks right. One minute you’re fighting over “who’s doing the dishes” next it’s “Next thing you’ll tell me is that I’ll never have a T-Rex”. We’ve all been there and, clearly, the only way to move on and heal is with acceptance. You can still buy really cool toys of dinosaurs (though we warn you it’s not the same).

4. You Called Touhou Stupid
OH I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO SEE YOU DO ANY BETTER! I BET YOU CAN’T EVEN BEAT THE FIRST BOSS ON EASY MODE IN IMPERISHABLE NIGHT YOU F*CKING CAS-
*Coughs*
Sorry. It’s a fun game, give it a chance and never call it stupid.

5. You Keep Telling Your Dogs It’s Okay For Them To Watch
….Why?

6. Your Dogs Actually Do It
Maybe you should worry about other things than just this marriage. (Seriously though, seek help)

7. You Wouldn’t Cos-Play as A Marvel Character And, Instead, Went With DC
We planned this FOUR MONTHS IN ADVANCE! WHY IN THE HELL DID YOU BUY A BATMAN COSTUME? I DON’T CARE IF HE’S THE “BIGGEST THING” RIGHT NOW! I SPENT A LOT OF MONEY ON SEXY WOLVERINE.
..It’s like you don’t even care..

8. You Didn’t Realize Marriage Was Forever And Keep Asking “So When Are We Done?”
HILARIOUS but you probably should have read the fine print. Hey I don’t blame you! Forever is a long time…a really…really long time.

9. You Represent 2 Different Gang Factions 
Look, I’m just saying your crew die like b*tches and ya’ll don’t even have enough money for a car. You still ridin them mongooses from the 90’s with the baseball card in the wheels. S’wrong with you?

10. You Looked Them In The Eye During The “Mortal Kombat” Dance Hit During The Part Where The Guy Yells “MORTAL KOMBAT” And Killed Them. 
A simple misunderstanding. In your defense, they should have turned away and this whole thing would have been avoided. Ah well, better luck next time champ. On the plus side, one step closer to ruling Earth so….that’s something.

Well I really hope that advice helps. As always, I”m Gamers Mentality and I did this because I was bored. This is Game Over!